sadness consumes my everyday, and i am sick as hell of teachers who dont have anything better to do than be total yuppie freaks with the "stick up there" walk. If they ever were bonified teens, (nerdy little straight a students DONT count) then they would know y i act like i do. They never would understand any aspect of my life, and just because they have no worries, doesn't mean that i dont. I am at risk of flunking math, and all that anyone can say about it is "try harder" and while they're up...
The daily drift of thoughts, and nothing constructive enough to even mention. no conclusions. no new appiphanies about life. just useless thought. Thought that just makes me more sad. More demented and strange. I was at this local concert of bands and stuff, and it was the first time i felt happy in a while. I moshed and drank and had complete strangers' sweat on my body, and feeling just fine about it. i imagined that we were all in the bottom depths of hell, strange forms demented in...
Yeah, I went to see my psyc and apparently I'm depressed because of my father. Gee golly, how do ya figure? lol. People keep trying to tell me to cheer up and stuff, but my psyc said that everything is a work in progress. So, since I am a basket case, I am going to be taking zoloft. I know that it's suppose to help me, and im gonna take it. I'm just kinda scared. He said it's gonna do something to my brain. My grampa had scitzophrenia and they did this thing where they would send electric charge...
Ever do that thing where your suppose to fall and let the person behind you catch you? It's suppose to build trust. I did that once, only they didn't catch me, and i cracked my head open on the cement. (okay, a little overdramatized on the cracking it open, but it was still pretty bloody) I hated that person for like a week after that, cus i had to get stitches and everything. He turned out to be my best friend later on. But the funny thing is that he betrayed the whole "trust" thing when he dec...
Sometimes i wake up and look at my life and think, "if only i were only awake falling asleep instead of vice versa so that this life would all just be a big dream" Its funny how many people want to believe that. But if your good enough with self mind control, you could always not even think about your real life and just live in your dreams where you control everything. Control is a big factor in society now adays. Some people can control a whole country, (whether they know what to do with it or ...
the rain drowns out my happiness drowning in the extacy of the rhythems outside focus on everything but the task at hand have all problems drift away, and there they'll stay How do you do it, every day just like the last not even thinking of our past but do not be decieved your more like a dream than you seem For dreams aren't real and neither are you your as fake as my aunt's nails dont front, you know its true Dreams always look more wonderful than they would be if they w...
OMG, RAWR, HE MAKES ME SO MAD!!! I WANT TO STAB A PILLOW!!!!!!!!! I NEED MORE GATORADE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED CHICKEN KIEV!!!!!!!!! I NEED DR PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH, THE NERVE OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A JACUZZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A PUERTO RICAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED ADVIL!!!!!!!!!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!...
It's raining all around me, and I'm cold. Every word that plays over and over in my head hits me as hard as the cold rain against my skin. The rain is slowly turning into sleet, and it reminds me of his harsh face of disapointment and anger, wrenching my stomache twisting inside me. His dagger, just twisting in my stomache, his dagger eyes. I have to get away from this stupid world of black and white. Y is the whole world in color except for here? I rush to the car, shuffling for the right key i...
spin the cd and let it spin your mind, and with a puff of smoke the world and all of it's problems are just blurs with dialogue. The tingling sensation in your fingers, and your boyfriend takes your hand, and you both stumble to your feet, and clumsily slow dance to Marilyn's melodies. You feel the bass twist your hips slowly and up your spine, until from head to toe, your totally floating in the sensual moves that you've only seen performed by the cheap chalky makeupped drag queens, dancing in ...
laughing faces and happy thoughts surround me, but their still not me. My so called friends always have other things to do, rather than talk to me. I feel like i'v been abandoned on a desert island with nothing but a bottle of fiji water and a birthday card. Even my friends on the internet don't want to talk to me. I'm a good person, I'm a good friend, and I'm fun to hang out with. And yet the whole of humanity turns it's towering back on me. So here I am, fully medicated, and still utterly depr...
My psyc is driving me mad. He talks like he knows everything, but his little remedies never cure anything. He keeps talking about putting me on zoloft and crap, but i don't want to. Im scared that it will warp my thinking or something. He keeps postponing the perscription, and its almost worse than taking it. It's like waiting an extra hour before your execution. I think he just wants to screw up my mind enough to keep treating me to get more money. In other news in the world of lisalee, it soun...
Pain/ Deep inside my soul/ Im sad, but I’m not sure why / All that I know is what I feel / And that’s sad right now/ In all its glory and torment / For better or worse,/ Mostly worse// Scared/ A streak of it tumbles Clumsily down my spine and neck/ Much like the beads of sweat that follow/ Why does this make me feel this way/ Nothing to scare / me nothing to hurt me/ it just does / for better or worse// Lust/ To do the wrong thing / right makes sense but the lus...
A shout out to the man who hurt me as a child who stunted me forever to be large and akward on the outside but inside vulnerable and mild I hate you because i loved you and all that you had to say for it was lies and pain i saw in your eyes, that beautiful person who secretly loved me back but their only moments every other time i see what society has made you Your pathetic abandoning your friends and all that you hold dear, for a bone to be tossed to you from the society that wre...
Too tall, too big, too depressed, too fake-chearful, too ready to give it all up! I dont get these stupid people telling me what I am or am not. From teachers to orthadontists to strangers in a chat room. They know nothing about who I am, or what Im about. The thing that surprises me the most is the fact that they think i care what they say. All it does is make me more prone to piss them off. I am so stressed right now that it is'nt even funny. This morning I was going to get my new retainer, be...
Another day in the life of lisalee. Yesterday was the day of silence. I participated, and I protested with my friends downtown, standing on the corner of the busyest street downtown. Alot of people honked, i guess that was cool. I came to school with duct tape over my mouth and lips drawn on it with nail polish. Alot of homophobic bastards made fun of us, calling me gay and crap, but i don't care. I think it helped a little to have people know that they're supported. I told my friend that I'...