I want to rush down the street, totally unprotected by any metal around me except for the Harley between my legs. Everything and everyone being just a soft blur and out of my mind. I want to breath the air, everything just flying past me, Faster, Faster, I tell myself. Torn between my newfound adolescent conscious and my mother’s old-fashioned harpings about the speed devils on the road. Suddenly, all of her everflowing resentments towards me about the life she gave up and the hardships all because of me and my deadbeat father start rushing into my river of thought. NO, I say to myself, NO, THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO RUN FROM, suddenly, my hand takes over. Revving up my engine, my head totally blank with red, and there it goes. Faster I go, faster I stay, and faster yet, just on the tip of being out of control, but just fine. I don’t mean to, but this compelling feeling of spite rushes over me. LOOK MOM, NO HANDS. This is MY LIFE now. I’m taking back my world. It’s mine now, NO ONE ELSE’S. My emotions will NO LONGER be reduced to ‘crazy teen hormones’ or ‘getting it easy too often’ no more what have I done to deserve this’s, no more what did I do wrong? No more disappointment, no more worrying about her approval. No more trying to please. THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! I scream, so loud that I can’t tell if it was just in my head, or out loud. Pulsating through my brain, electrodes, this high that nothing and no one is going to touch me. She can’t touch me here. He can’t hurt me here. I’m running away, towards something new and different. Different and everchanging. Never even look back at that so-called life that I used to lead. Total freedom. Total reality. No more am I going to be an empty auto pilot for her expectations. No more am I going to lie to please him. No more am I going to be on my knees, begging for Love. No one could ever understand me... I’m on my own and I like it...........
I stop abruptly, and turn around to go back to woodland avenue, Back to my haven and my prison, my room. I climb up my tree and into my room, having my whole world come rushing back. I just lay down and let sleep rush over me, let me escape into my mind where I’m understood. Where the world knows me....sleep...