the world's just spinning too fast/slow
Well here she is again, fully equipt with wounds that need a conciderate amount of licking. Yea, I'm not here for sympathy, just to houl to the moon "woe is me". Well, my mum told me that I'm not going to England after all. My dog, my perfect dog, who was my pintacle of happiness, and only perfect thing in this world, died in her sleep, at age 3. We were a month away from her fourth birthday. My so-called true mate left me ages ago. Mum says we're facing a couple foreclosures. Both of our houses might be foreclosed. I have this numb-skull idiot that I dumped a week ago, begging me for phone sex. (I never gave him any, and I got sick of him asking. Hence, the tense.) I feel that my back has curved into permanent fetal position, and the only way I can escape this dreary world is to talk to you. This blank bunch of pixels on my screen are the only joys I have right now, besides my books. If it wasn't for Gone With the Wind, or Never Ending Story, or Party Monster, I don't think I would be as sane as I am right now. I raised up enough money, so now I have my comp working again. I hate this. All of this sick life that I lead. Mum is 51 and she's working on fixing our roof, lifting these heavy shingle packages, and that 500 ton ladder that she somehow hauls around. I try to help her in any way I can. Most of the time, no matter how stubborn I am on the matter, she tells me just to stay inside and watch t.v. She works so hard, I hate seeing it. She used to own her own realty business. But now she's unemployed and I'm looking for a job behind her back. She tells me that we don't need me to get a job, but it's ridiculous that she has to work as hard as she does. She tells me just to concintrate on school when it comes, so that I can get a good job and not have to worry like she does. I swear, when I'm older, I'm going to make so much money that my family will never have to worry. I'll buy Mum a nice little Summer home in Austrailia, where she's always wanted to visit. Me and my family will visit her every other Sunday and all she'll have to worry about is her daily crossword puzzles. She's the strongest person I know. Someday she'll never have to worry.
I can't help but wonder where that one guy is. All of the prior little sweet nothings were about him.
I've had a realization this Summer, and I know that what I wasn't experiencing true love. Maybe true love, but not Mature true love. I came to a realization of what that really is. I know now that all that I was experiencing was the aftermath of being alone for so long. Well, not exactly alone. Let's just put it as lacking in PROPER male company. But anyways, I still can't help but wonder what he's doing out there in the hot sun. If he's playing video games, mowing the lawn. Oh well. Life goes on. I just wish that "mr. right" whoever the hell he is, would hurry up and come around. He has no idea how much I need him now.