Well, today was fun. Yesterday was fun. But just now was just terrible. Why does everything insist on crushing me. Just when I start thinking about how beautiful life is, it just slams in my face. I hate it now. I wish this pain would just end. Well, today wasn't a very good day. Yesterday I went over to my half sister's house. I haven't talked to her since i was 10, and after our first visit, she never called me back. Well, you know those goals that you set for the things that you want to d...

Why does this always have to happen to me? I have been a good person throughout my life. Am I just prone to hurt? I knew the first time that I talked to him that it would end just like it began. I knew that he was too good to be real. I knew that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him. Just when I finally found out what real love is, it shot me down. It killed me inside. I hate everything about this stupid emotion. Love killed my mom just like it killed me over and over again. He said he would b...

Why does this supposed heavenly father try to make my life like this? While I sit here, trying to please everybody, especially HIM, he just tries to shove a lightening bolt up my behind. I am SICK of this! I'm starting to doubt the existance of this so called God that everybody keeps raving about. I mean who, immortal or otherwise, could let there be this much corruption and chaos in the world without trying to help? People are starving, being tortured, getting beaten, burned, and otherwise. ...

The act of being together. The electrodes pulsating through my body over a simple stroke of the hand. My cheeks hurting from the happiness that you brought me. The whole world not being able to touch us, we are now gods in our own universe. Nothing can hurt us here. Not with each other. The act of possessing and being possessed. Of taking in every detail of you and wishing that I had more than five senses to take in the very essence of you. Trying to control my mind of all the possibilities th...

ok, I am so extremely sick of everyone saying crap about gay marriages. First off, this is just 2004's version of the mixed race marriages ALL OVER AGAIN. Man and man, or woman and woman have just as much right in this world to get married as Blacks and Whites do. It doesn't matter WHO you are, just so long as you are responsible enough to commit to the marriage, and know fully well what it means. Now, i know that the republicans are saying stuff back like "we have to keep our marriages sacre...

Im just so closed in in minnesota. Its annoying as hell that I'm not out there living life as it should be lived. I'm not seeing the world, or having my adventures. I have no one to talk about this to except for you, my dog, and, well, thats pretty much it. I should be walking down a cobblestone street in France, wearing a little red dress with firecracker heals, whispering sweet nothings into the ears of the world's most dashing men. I should be in Northern Ireland single handedly winning the w...

OMG, RAWR, HE MAKES ME SO MAD!!! I WANT TO STAB A PILLOW!!!!!!!!! I NEED MORE GATORADE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED CHICKEN KIEV!!!!!!!!! I NEED DR PHIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH, THE NERVE OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A JACUZZI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED A PUERTO RICAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED ADVIL!!!!!!!!!!! OH THE HUMANITY!!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!...

Falling for a boy? Falling for a girl? What does it matter? It's gonna end anyways, so what's the use? What, do you think your gonna be together forever? What a laugh. Don't you know that love isn't real? Whether it's just a certain degree of lust, or the convincing yourself that it's true because your sick of that lonely feeling. The possibilities of excused emotion are the same, it's just all that you persieve that makes all of the difference in the world. And when his fluids are in my body, o...

It's raining all around me, and I'm cold. Every word that plays over and over in my head hits me as hard as the cold rain against my skin. The rain is slowly turning into sleet, and it reminds me of his harsh face of disapointment and anger, wrenching my stomache twisting inside me. His dagger, just twisting in my stomache, his dagger eyes. I have to get away from this stupid world of black and white. Y is the whole world in color except for here? I rush to the car, shuffling for the right key i...

spin the cd and let it spin your mind, and with a puff of smoke the world and all of it's problems are just blurs with dialogue. The tingling sensation in your fingers, and your boyfriend takes your hand, and you both stumble to your feet, and clumsily slow dance to Marilyn's melodies. You feel the bass twist your hips slowly and up your spine, until from head to toe, your totally floating in the sensual moves that you've only seen performed by the cheap chalky makeupped drag queens, dancing in ...

laughing faces and happy thoughts surround me, but their still not me. My so called friends always have other things to do, rather than talk to me. I feel like i'v been abandoned on a desert island with nothing but a bottle of fiji water and a birthday card. Even my friends on the internet don't want to talk to me. I'm a good person, I'm a good friend, and I'm fun to hang out with. And yet the whole of humanity turns it's towering back on me. So here I am, fully medicated, and still utterly depr...

My psyc is driving me mad. He talks like he knows everything, but his little remedies never cure anything. He keeps talking about putting me on zoloft and crap, but i don't want to. Im scared that it will warp my thinking or something. He keeps postponing the perscription, and its almost worse than taking it. It's like waiting an extra hour before your execution. I think he just wants to screw up my mind enough to keep treating me to get more money. In other news in the world of lisalee, it soun...

Yeah, I went to see my psyc and apparently I'm depressed because of my father. Gee golly, how do ya figure? lol. People keep trying to tell me to cheer up and stuff, but my psyc said that everything is a work in progress. So, since I am a basket case, I am going to be taking zoloft. I know that it's suppose to help me, and im gonna take it. I'm just kinda scared. He said it's gonna do something to my brain. My grampa had scitzophrenia and they did this thing where they would send electric charge...