Yeah, I went to see my psyc and apparently I'm depressed because of my father. Gee golly, how do ya figure? lol. People keep trying to tell me to cheer up and stuff, but my psyc said that everything is a work in progress. So, since I am a basket case, I am going to be taking zoloft. I know that it's suppose to help me, and im gonna take it. I'm just kinda scared. He said it's gonna do something to my brain. My grampa had scitzophrenia and they did this thing where they would send electric charges through his brain. It was on "a beautiful mind" ( good movie) After they released him, he was scared to go to the dentists and to turn the television on. He thought people were watching him. My mom said he talked to cubbards, but I loved him all the same. When he died, I was 8. I didn't know him too well, but i still felt guilty that I cried when my cat died and not when he did. But anyways, i guess I'm scared that I'm gonna wind up like him, talking to cubbards and scared of the television. I know that it wouldn't happen, but all the same. Well, psyc said that i should write more about my father or whatever. I don't want this to seem like i'm just some poor little girl feeling sorry for myself or something, but he told me to. Just a warning before you read on. My father is an overweight 58 year old crack head who makes 1.5 million a year for managing his daddy's buisness. I met him when I was 9, and I was scared. I knew that if i didn't meet him that I would regret it. I was always smart. You wouldn't think it now, hu? lol. Well anyways, we had about 7 visits and only in 2 was he NOT high. i could always tell. One minute he would talk about how math wasn't really that important in the "real world" and then he would talk elvis trivia. Eventually we went to this visitation place instead of the stupid psyc. My father was apparently paying him to say in the reports that we were more chummy then we really were so that he could push for unsupervised visitation. I was scared of this guy with a superviser, no less alone with him. He was just pushing for unsupervised visits to piss my mom off. That's what she says anyway. Not that he would actually have any interest in meeting one of his 7 children. He wouldn't talk to me at the visitation center because he "didn't feel comfortable there" so they told him that he had to take a drug test every time he wanted to see me. Obviously, he didn't go for that. i guess his fix was more important than me. Oh well. MY GOD i sound like such a sad sack. OH well, I don't care. If people don't like it, then they can read someone elses. Bush is making screwups by the minute, so that would keep someone busy for a while. Oh, i gotta go anyways. My teacher is yelling at me again. oops. well until next time, lol Your confused victim of circumstance, Alonia Demonia