The best protection is just not to do it at all.
Why does this always have to happen to me? I have been a good person throughout my life. Am I just prone to hurt? I knew the first time that I talked to him that it would end just like it began. I knew that he was too good to be real. I knew that I wouldn't be able to satisfy him. Just when I finally found out what real love is, it shot me down. It killed me inside. I hate everything about this stupid emotion. Love killed my mom just like it killed me over and over again.
He said he would be forever. He swore to me that I was the next and last person to ever touch his lips. Next and last to ever make love to me. He would have been my first and last. I promised him the same. I promised him the same, and, unlike some, I keep my promises, no matter what the circumstance. There WILL BE NO ONE ELSE! I swear, the second I feel something even remotely close to romance, I'm just going to run away as far as possible. I hate everything about this stupid love. It tears people apart. It's not real. It's not. I hate hate hate all beings that are able to love. Especially me. I wish that I could just STOP. I wish that all this pain could just END. I hate alone, but it's better than being with someone else, just because you can count on yourself. You don't lie to yourself without knowing it. You don't see other people because thats just impossible. I wish that Love was just a person so that I could stab it over and over and over until it no longer existed.
I dont know how I'm going to get over this one. I went so far this time. I went so far. I can't imagine life without him, but I can't imagine the pain that it would bring me if I didn't. I swear, this time i WILL NOT let my feelings interfere with what I want. I changed my plans around when I met him. He WAS the one. But then he went away forever. I was the one who ended it, but it was HIM who wanted to have it both ways. It was HIM who wanted to have me at his disposal at all times. His standby. But it just DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT! I would never be able to do that. I would never be capable to love someone who is interested with someone else. Just the thought of him thinking about it makes me want to litterally throw up. I threw up already. I'm just so upset right now. I have never felt so SAD so ANGRY so HURT all at once.
No, he didn't hurt me directly. But i know that if this continued, that he would. Eventually he would leave just like all the other men. There has not been ONE man in my life that didn't run away. I gave him everything. I gave him my dreams, I gave him my life, i was about to give up my NAME for him. MY NAME, which means more to me than you will ever know. The pain hurts so much right now. It hurts. My chest, my stomache, my eyes. I'm trembling and I think I'm about to throw up again. I cant believe this is happening. I swear, i will NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN!!